Adolescents live in a world that is much more complicated than the one their parents grew up in.  An incredible number of distractions are at their fingertips, including texting, talking, tweeting, facebooking their friends, watching TV and movies, and listening to music.  With all of these diversions, connecting with his parents may be the last thing on a teenager’s mind. 

Naturally, a child begins to assert his independence around the age of 11 or 12.  He is starting the process of finding out who he is, trying to define himself as a separate, unique individual outside of his family.  Consequently, he may test the family boundaries, defying rules, using inappropriate language, skipping school.  It’s not unusual for parents to feel as if their level-headed child has changed overnight into someone they don’t recognize.

Feeling stunned and hurt, parents often pull away from their son or daughter as their once-close relationship deteriorates into bouts of silence or angry shouting matches.  Although a teen or preteen may seem rebellious, it is crucial for parents to continue to strive to stay involved in her life.  It’s also helpful to keep in mind that this phase won’t last forever, although it may seem like an eternity.  Patience combined with a sense of humor often help parents cope during this challenging time.

It’s also essential to remember that the adolescent’s brain is still developing. Recent research shows that certain areas of the brain continue to grow as one ages, and may do so through one’s mid-twenties.  So while your teen has a natural desire to explore new things, she lacks the judgment skills of someone with a more mature brain and may readily partake in high-risk behaviors.

Counseling for you or your teen can help restore your relationship, supporting you in your role as parent while allowing your teen some healthy autonomy.  Having teenagers in the family doesn’t mean you can’t continue to grow, thrive and maintain loving relationships.